Condoms designed to meet international size specifications are too big for many Indian men as their penises fall short of what manufacturers had anticipated, an Indian study has found.
The Indian Council of Medical Research, a leading state-run center, said its initial findings from a two-year study showed 60 percent of men in the financial capital Mumbai had penises about 2.4 cm (one inch) shorter than those condoms catered for.
For a further 30 percent, the difference was at least 5 cm (two inches). A poor fit meant the prophylactics often didn't do the job they were bought for, and led to some tearing or slipping off during use.
"One of the reasons for a failure of up to 20 percent (of condoms) is the association of the size of the condom to the erect penis," the council's Dr. Chander Puri told Reuters, adding another reason was couples often put them on in a hurry.
Puri said many men in India, which has the world's highest HIV positive caseload, were too shy to ask for condoms.
"We need more vending machines for condoms of different sizes so people can pick a condom with confidence that is suited to their needs," he said.
The Times of India reported the ICMR survey had studied 1,400 men between 18-50 years of age in cities like Mumbai and New Delhi as well as in rural areas in a report. It entitled its story "Indian men don't measure up".
20061202
Bingo-playing grandma guilty in pot case
A grandmother found with a trunkful of marijuana was convicted of drug running in what prosecutors said was an attempt to earn cash for a bingo habit.
State troopers found 10 bundles of pot totaling 214 pounds hidden in Leticia Villareal Garcia's car trunk last year when they stopped her outside Bisbee, in far southeastern Arizona.
Villareal, 61, told jurors before they convicted her Thursday that her only regular income was a $275 monthly welfare check, but she frequently played bingo and occasionally won thousands of dollars.
Prosecutor Doyle Johnstun said the game was Villareal's undoing.
"People who play bingo almost every night of the week end up losing in the long run," Johnstun told jurors. "The underlying issue is that she's got a bingo problem, which explains why an otherwise nice person might get sucked into something like this."
Jurors rejected Villareal's argument that she'd been tricked into carrying the drugs.
Villareal faces three to 12 years in state prison when she is sentenced Dec. 18.
State troopers found 10 bundles of pot totaling 214 pounds hidden in Leticia Villareal Garcia's car trunk last year when they stopped her outside Bisbee, in far southeastern Arizona.
Villareal, 61, told jurors before they convicted her Thursday that her only regular income was a $275 monthly welfare check, but she frequently played bingo and occasionally won thousands of dollars.
Prosecutor Doyle Johnstun said the game was Villareal's undoing.
"People who play bingo almost every night of the week end up losing in the long run," Johnstun told jurors. "The underlying issue is that she's got a bingo problem, which explains why an otherwise nice person might get sucked into something like this."
Jurors rejected Villareal's argument that she'd been tricked into carrying the drugs.
Villareal faces three to 12 years in state prison when she is sentenced Dec. 18.
20061126
PETA mistakenly targets Alaska church
The pastor at Anchorage First Free Methodist Church was mystified. Why was the activist group People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals chastising him? No animals are harmed in the church's holiday nativity display. In fact, animals aren't used at all.
People, however, do dress the parts — Mary, Joseph, the wise men, etc. The volunteers stand shivering at a manger on the church lawn in a silent tribute to Christmas.
The Rev. Jason Armstrong was confused by an e-mail this week from PETA, which admonished him for subjecting animals "to cruel treatment and danger," by forcing them into roles in the church's annual manger scene.
"We've never had live animals, so I just figured this was some spam thing," Armstrong said. "It's rough enough on us people standing out there in the cold. So we're definitely not using animals."
Jackie Vergerio, PETA's captive animals in entertainment specialist, said her organization tracks churches nationwide that use real animals in "living nativity scenes."
Seems the confusion started with the church's choice of phrase. PETA flagged Free Methodist's display as a "living nativity," and indeed, that's how the church describes it on its Web site.
To PETA, that means animals.
"Those animals are subject to all sorts of terrible fates in some cases," Vergerio said. "Animals have been stolen and slaughtered, they've been raped, they've escaped from the nativity scenes and have been struck by cars and killed. Just really unfathomable things have happened to them."
In the letter to Armstrong, Vergerio shared some sad fates of previous nativity animals — like Brighty the donkey, snatched from a nativity scene in Virginia and beaten by three young men. Ernie the camel fled a creche in Maryland but was struck and killed by a car. Two sheep and a donkey had to be euthanized after a dog mauling at a manger scene in Virginia.
Free Methodist's display is peaceful, Armstrong said. The congregation erects the stable. Members spread straw and don costumes. Some even dress as manger animals.
"We have some puppet camel things we put out," Armstrong said. "We have a cow hood thing that a person will wear that actually just looks spooky."
The volunteers stand beneath a brightly lit electric star as Christmas music fills the frosty air. They don't even speak.
"No one's come by protesting or thrown bloodstained fur at us or anything," Armstrong said. "We even use a plastic baby".
People, however, do dress the parts — Mary, Joseph, the wise men, etc. The volunteers stand shivering at a manger on the church lawn in a silent tribute to Christmas.
The Rev. Jason Armstrong was confused by an e-mail this week from PETA, which admonished him for subjecting animals "to cruel treatment and danger," by forcing them into roles in the church's annual manger scene.
"We've never had live animals, so I just figured this was some spam thing," Armstrong said. "It's rough enough on us people standing out there in the cold. So we're definitely not using animals."
Jackie Vergerio, PETA's captive animals in entertainment specialist, said her organization tracks churches nationwide that use real animals in "living nativity scenes."
Seems the confusion started with the church's choice of phrase. PETA flagged Free Methodist's display as a "living nativity," and indeed, that's how the church describes it on its Web site.
To PETA, that means animals.
"Those animals are subject to all sorts of terrible fates in some cases," Vergerio said. "Animals have been stolen and slaughtered, they've been raped, they've escaped from the nativity scenes and have been struck by cars and killed. Just really unfathomable things have happened to them."
In the letter to Armstrong, Vergerio shared some sad fates of previous nativity animals — like Brighty the donkey, snatched from a nativity scene in Virginia and beaten by three young men. Ernie the camel fled a creche in Maryland but was struck and killed by a car. Two sheep and a donkey had to be euthanized after a dog mauling at a manger scene in Virginia.
Free Methodist's display is peaceful, Armstrong said. The congregation erects the stable. Members spread straw and don costumes. Some even dress as manger animals.
"We have some puppet camel things we put out," Armstrong said. "We have a cow hood thing that a person will wear that actually just looks spooky."
The volunteers stand beneath a brightly lit electric star as Christmas music fills the frosty air. They don't even speak.
"No one's come by protesting or thrown bloodstained fur at us or anything," Armstrong said. "We even use a plastic baby".
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20061122
Backyard toilet fence upsets neighbors
Some people use scarecrows to chase away birds, or garlic to block vampires. Rick Froebe uses toilets to repel golfers. Froebe has erected a backyard "fence" made of seven old toilets, a few used bathtubs and some broken-down water heaters, all designed to prevent golfers from the adjacent Lakeview Golf & Country Club from approaching his yard.
While critics say Froebe is acting out in a dispute with the golf course and other neighbors, the plumber insists his fence is not meant to be offensive.
"It's plumber art," Froebe, 52, said.
Besides, he added, "It's not like this is Pebble Beach. This is Lakeview."
On Monday, three scarecrow-like dummies sat on toilets and looked on as golfers finished their putts on the 354-yard, par-4 first hole. The old commodes, bathtubs and water heaters first appeared on Halloween.
Froebe, co-owner of Coulee Dam/Ephrata Plumbing, used to belong to the golf club, but resigned in May in a dispute with other members.
He said the golfers near his property make his four dogs start barking, which has prompted upset neighbors to call the Grant County sheriff's office. Froebe has lived in the house for 15 years.
Gerald Coulter, representing the country club's nine-member board of directors, called the situation "completely ridiculous."
"I've had several people call that were upset with (the 'fence'). It's an eyesore," Coulter said. "I'm surprised the health department hasn't been out there because of the used toilets and water tanks. It's not a sanitary condition."
Meanwhile, the sheriff's office has warned Froebe three times that his dogs are a nuisance, said Larry Ledeboer, the sheriff's animal control officer.
"The sheriff's office doesn't write a lot of barking infractions," Ledeboer said. "We give warnings and try to work with people."
To date, Froebe has received three barking infractions. A first-offense barking infraction is $47 per dog, Ledeboer said. The second offense is $95. A third offense is $190.
Froebe said he recently bought special dog collars that discourage barking.
He insists the "fence" is not a sign of animosity toward his neighbors.
"If they would've come to me first that would have been one thing," Froebe said. "But they went directly to the sheriff".
While critics say Froebe is acting out in a dispute with the golf course and other neighbors, the plumber insists his fence is not meant to be offensive.
"It's plumber art," Froebe, 52, said.
Besides, he added, "It's not like this is Pebble Beach. This is Lakeview."
On Monday, three scarecrow-like dummies sat on toilets and looked on as golfers finished their putts on the 354-yard, par-4 first hole. The old commodes, bathtubs and water heaters first appeared on Halloween.
Froebe, co-owner of Coulee Dam/Ephrata Plumbing, used to belong to the golf club, but resigned in May in a dispute with other members.
He said the golfers near his property make his four dogs start barking, which has prompted upset neighbors to call the Grant County sheriff's office. Froebe has lived in the house for 15 years.
Gerald Coulter, representing the country club's nine-member board of directors, called the situation "completely ridiculous."
"I've had several people call that were upset with (the 'fence'). It's an eyesore," Coulter said. "I'm surprised the health department hasn't been out there because of the used toilets and water tanks. It's not a sanitary condition."
Meanwhile, the sheriff's office has warned Froebe three times that his dogs are a nuisance, said Larry Ledeboer, the sheriff's animal control officer.
"The sheriff's office doesn't write a lot of barking infractions," Ledeboer said. "We give warnings and try to work with people."
To date, Froebe has received three barking infractions. A first-offense barking infraction is $47 per dog, Ledeboer said. The second offense is $95. A third offense is $190.
Froebe said he recently bought special dog collars that discourage barking.
He insists the "fence" is not a sign of animosity toward his neighbors.
"If they would've come to me first that would have been one thing," Froebe said. "But they went directly to the sheriff".
20061113
Woman is surrogate mom to baby gorillas
Barb Jones spends her days crawling through piles of straw with a 15-pound baby gorilla on her back, sometimes climbing up on platforms inside the cage. It's all part of being a surrogate mother to baby gorillas, but that doesn't mean it's easy work for the 68-year-old Jones, who's been doing it for 26 years.
"Now, I need a little help scaling the ropes", she said. "But I can't not do what they are going to do."
Jones, a primate nursery keeper at the Columbus Zoo and Aquarium, works to break the cycle of primates born in captivity who never learn how to care for their offspring.
She teaches the young gorillas how to be babies while adult gorillas watch and learn their own roles. The hope is that the babies will grow up to be better caregivers that can look after their own young.
Jones' most recent project was Umande, who came to Columbus from a Colorado Springs zoo where his mother rejected him. Other females at the zoo didn't want him either. Last week, 40-year-old Lulu took over his care after weeks of Jones and other workers tending to him.
Umande was clearly at home with his human mother, even falling asleep in her lap.
"He's like a little heating blanket," Jones said.
Jones, whose experience is in teaching, started her work at the zoo as a volunteer. In her many years of experience, she's never been injured, she said. She's also picked up a few tricks, such as coughing when the babies misbehave, because that's what adult gorillas do.
She points out that she doesn't do everything a gorilla mother would, such as using its teeth to trim the baby's fingernails and toenails.
"We use clippers," she said.
The world's first gorilla born in captivity was Colo, born at the Columbus Zoo in 1956. Back then, baby gorillas were snatched away from their mothers and reared in nurseries. Zookeepers thought they were protecting the babies from adult gorillas.
But zookeepers later learned that gorillas need to learn from one another, said Beth Armstrong, an anthropologist and former gorilla keeper at the Columbus Zoo.
Keepers imitating primate behavior at the zoo has helped decrease the time it takes for an infant gorilla to become part of a pack. The bond between Umande and Lulu took only a matter of weeks.
"Now, I need a little help scaling the ropes", she said. "But I can't not do what they are going to do."
Jones, a primate nursery keeper at the Columbus Zoo and Aquarium, works to break the cycle of primates born in captivity who never learn how to care for their offspring.
She teaches the young gorillas how to be babies while adult gorillas watch and learn their own roles. The hope is that the babies will grow up to be better caregivers that can look after their own young.
Jones' most recent project was Umande, who came to Columbus from a Colorado Springs zoo where his mother rejected him. Other females at the zoo didn't want him either. Last week, 40-year-old Lulu took over his care after weeks of Jones and other workers tending to him.
Umande was clearly at home with his human mother, even falling asleep in her lap.
"He's like a little heating blanket," Jones said.
Jones, whose experience is in teaching, started her work at the zoo as a volunteer. In her many years of experience, she's never been injured, she said. She's also picked up a few tricks, such as coughing when the babies misbehave, because that's what adult gorillas do.
She points out that she doesn't do everything a gorilla mother would, such as using its teeth to trim the baby's fingernails and toenails.
"We use clippers," she said.
The world's first gorilla born in captivity was Colo, born at the Columbus Zoo in 1956. Back then, baby gorillas were snatched away from their mothers and reared in nurseries. Zookeepers thought they were protecting the babies from adult gorillas.
But zookeepers later learned that gorillas need to learn from one another, said Beth Armstrong, an anthropologist and former gorilla keeper at the Columbus Zoo.
Keepers imitating primate behavior at the zoo has helped decrease the time it takes for an infant gorilla to become part of a pack. The bond between Umande and Lulu took only a matter of weeks.
20061108
Tree climber rescues cat after five days
For five days and four nights, Whiskers the cat was stranded 40 feet up in a tree surrounded by jagged rocks and overlooking a steep embankment. Pamela and Kenneth Fisher in Martinsburg first tried using food to lure Whiskers down late last week, but without success. Then firefighters tried to reach the cat with a ladder, but couldn't. They tried using water to coax the cat down, but that just sent Whiskers higher.
Frustrated and concerned by the panicked feline's desperate cries, Pamela Fisher called the local humane society, animal control officers and several veterinarians' offices, but nobody was either willing or able to help.
Then along came Jim Cosner, a 41-year-old Hedgesville man and a third-generation tree climber.
With a rope, harness and spiked boots, Cosner was up and down the tree with the cat in hand in less than five minutes Monday night.
"The cat was really calm," Cosner said Tuesday. "It was ready to come down, I think."
Cosner, whose grandfather was a timber cutter and his father a tree climber, is an employee of Guardian Fiberglass who works part time trimming trees. Rescuing stranded cats is just something he does on occasion.
Pamela Fisher said Whiskers spent much of Monday night and Tuesday catching up on eating and sleeping, but appeared no worse for the wear.
"He's an angel," Pamela Fisher said of Cosner. "A very big angel".
Frustrated and concerned by the panicked feline's desperate cries, Pamela Fisher called the local humane society, animal control officers and several veterinarians' offices, but nobody was either willing or able to help.
Then along came Jim Cosner, a 41-year-old Hedgesville man and a third-generation tree climber.
With a rope, harness and spiked boots, Cosner was up and down the tree with the cat in hand in less than five minutes Monday night.
"The cat was really calm," Cosner said Tuesday. "It was ready to come down, I think."
Cosner, whose grandfather was a timber cutter and his father a tree climber, is an employee of Guardian Fiberglass who works part time trimming trees. Rescuing stranded cats is just something he does on occasion.
Pamela Fisher said Whiskers spent much of Monday night and Tuesday catching up on eating and sleeping, but appeared no worse for the wear.
"He's an angel," Pamela Fisher said of Cosner. "A very big angel".
20061106
20061031
Mayor mistakenly hands out sex number
The mayor personally distributed thousands of fliers discouraging underage drinking only to find they mistakenly contained the phone number for a sex talk line.
Edmond Mayor Saundra Naifeh and more than five dozen volunteers went door-to-door Saturday to deliver 22,000 fliers. The city attorney notified Naifeh Saturday night after the police department learned of the mistake.
"Obviously, it made me feel sick," Naifeh said. "I had a blister on one foot (from going door-to-door) when the city attorney told me the number was wrong. I have no idea how the error happened."
Callers dialing the number were promised "exciting live talk" if they called a second number offering provocative telephone conversations or text messages costing 99 cents to $2.99 a minute.
City Manager Larry Stevens called the wrong listing an inadvertent error that occurred when the card was designed by the Oklahoma Department of Mental Health and Substance Abuse Services.
Naifeh said writing a story identifying the nature of the wrong telephone number was sensationalism and tabloid news.
"It will change the focus of what we were doing," she said. "It is not part of the story."
Naifeh had chosen the campaign to fight underage drinking as Edmond's contribution to Make A Difference Day, a national day set aside to help neighbors and the community.
Edmond Mayor Saundra Naifeh and more than five dozen volunteers went door-to-door Saturday to deliver 22,000 fliers. The city attorney notified Naifeh Saturday night after the police department learned of the mistake.
"Obviously, it made me feel sick," Naifeh said. "I had a blister on one foot (from going door-to-door) when the city attorney told me the number was wrong. I have no idea how the error happened."
Callers dialing the number were promised "exciting live talk" if they called a second number offering provocative telephone conversations or text messages costing 99 cents to $2.99 a minute.
City Manager Larry Stevens called the wrong listing an inadvertent error that occurred when the card was designed by the Oklahoma Department of Mental Health and Substance Abuse Services.
Naifeh said writing a story identifying the nature of the wrong telephone number was sensationalism and tabloid news.
"It will change the focus of what we were doing," she said. "It is not part of the story."
Naifeh had chosen the campaign to fight underage drinking as Edmond's contribution to Make A Difference Day, a national day set aside to help neighbors and the community.
20061023
Bostonians light 30,128 pumpkins
Bostonians on Saturday lit 30,128 pumpkins on Boston Common, shattering the world record for the most jack-o'-lanterns lit in one place.
"It's fantastic," said Jim Laughlin, a spokesman for Life is Good, the Boston clothing company that sponsored the event. "We've been going after this record for a long time."
The old record of 28,952 lit pumpkins had been held since 2003 by Keene, N.H. That city tried to keep up with their own attempt Saturday, but lit only 24,682 pumpkins.
In Boston, an estimated 100,000 people crowded onto the Common to slice, scoop, and sculpt pumpkins and to savor pumpkin pie and pumpkin soup. Mayor Thomas M. Menino greeted children, who were dressed as ghosts and angels.
Keene, a city of 22,000 people, did not go down without a fight. "We had more pumpkins lit than people who live here," said Alan Davis, an organizer.
The friendly competitions raised thousands of dollars for charities.
"It's fantastic," said Jim Laughlin, a spokesman for Life is Good, the Boston clothing company that sponsored the event. "We've been going after this record for a long time."
The old record of 28,952 lit pumpkins had been held since 2003 by Keene, N.H. That city tried to keep up with their own attempt Saturday, but lit only 24,682 pumpkins.
In Boston, an estimated 100,000 people crowded onto the Common to slice, scoop, and sculpt pumpkins and to savor pumpkin pie and pumpkin soup. Mayor Thomas M. Menino greeted children, who were dressed as ghosts and angels.
Keene, a city of 22,000 people, did not go down without a fight. "We had more pumpkins lit than people who live here," said Alan Davis, an organizer.
The friendly competitions raised thousands of dollars for charities.
20061017
20061006
Reverse psychology lands driver in hot water
An Australian has been charged with reckless driving after trying to reverse 310 miles across the outback, local media reported on Friday.
Police in Western Australia state were shocked when they saw a 23-year-old man driving in reverse along The Great Eastern Highway at 30 miles per hour on Thursday, said Australian radio.
When police pulled the driver over he said his transmission had failed so he had no choice but to drive in reverse from the gold mining town of Kalgoorlie to Perth on the coast.
The driver told police he had reached speeds of 50 miles per hour but had to slow down because he was swerving too much.
The man was charged with reckless driving and is due to appear in court on Monday, said Australian Broadcasting Corp. radio.
Police in Western Australia state were shocked when they saw a 23-year-old man driving in reverse along The Great Eastern Highway at 30 miles per hour on Thursday, said Australian radio.
When police pulled the driver over he said his transmission had failed so he had no choice but to drive in reverse from the gold mining town of Kalgoorlie to Perth on the coast.
The driver told police he had reached speeds of 50 miles per hour but had to slow down because he was swerving too much.
The man was charged with reckless driving and is due to appear in court on Monday, said Australian Broadcasting Corp. radio.
20060915
Policeman pays price for mating mutt
An Indian policeman charged with guarding industrial plants in the state of West Bengal has had his salary cut for failing to stop his guard dog from becoming pregnant, officials said Thursday.
Authorities at a steel plant in Malda, southwest of Kolkata, took a dim view of constable Sunil Kumar's oversight after the dog mated with a stray and gave birth to 10 puppies.
"It is a very sensitive issue in our department," S. Bhatnagar, the deputy inspector general of the state's Central Industrial Security Forces, told Reuters.
"The Labrador could not carry out her duties properly during her pregnancy and at time of delivery she was on leave."
Kumar, whose pay has been cut from 3,540 rupees ($77) a month to 3,295 rupees, Wednesday appealed against the decision in the Kolkata high court.
"When an animal experiences the urge to mate, it does not pay heed to its trainer," he told reporters in his defense.
But his boss is sticking to his guns. "A biological phenomenon relating to a sexual urge is a different issue, but it had been established he was not serious about his duties".
Authorities at a steel plant in Malda, southwest of Kolkata, took a dim view of constable Sunil Kumar's oversight after the dog mated with a stray and gave birth to 10 puppies.
"It is a very sensitive issue in our department," S. Bhatnagar, the deputy inspector general of the state's Central Industrial Security Forces, told Reuters.
"The Labrador could not carry out her duties properly during her pregnancy and at time of delivery she was on leave."
Kumar, whose pay has been cut from 3,540 rupees ($77) a month to 3,295 rupees, Wednesday appealed against the decision in the Kolkata high court.
"When an animal experiences the urge to mate, it does not pay heed to its trainer," he told reporters in his defense.
But his boss is sticking to his guns. "A biological phenomenon relating to a sexual urge is a different issue, but it had been established he was not serious about his duties".
20060912
Electric man electrocuted
A Vietnamese man who once appeared on national television to demonstrate his ability to resist electric shocks has been electrocuted while repairing a generator, an official said Tuesday.
Nguyen Van Hung, aged in his early 40s, was killed in Tay Ninh province near the Cambodian border while repairing the generator without first cutting the power supply, a local official said.
"When alive, he used to demonstrate at our office how he would insert two fingers into the electrical plughole without problems," the official said.
Hung, nicknamed "Hung Electric," had appeared on television's "Strange Stories of Vietnam".
Nguyen Van Hung, aged in his early 40s, was killed in Tay Ninh province near the Cambodian border while repairing the generator without first cutting the power supply, a local official said.
"When alive, he used to demonstrate at our office how he would insert two fingers into the electrical plughole without problems," the official said.
Hung, nicknamed "Hung Electric," had appeared on television's "Strange Stories of Vietnam".
20060903
Writing letters to son
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
One student fell into a cycle of classes, studying, working and sleeping.
Didn't realize how long he had neglected writing home until he received the following note:
"Dear Son, Your mother and I enjoyed your last letter. Of course, we were much younger then, and more impressionable. Love, Dad."
One student fell into a cycle of classes, studying, working and sleeping.
Didn't realize how long he had neglected writing home until he received the following note:
"Dear Son, Your mother and I enjoyed your last letter. Of course, we were much younger then, and more impressionable. Love, Dad."
20060819
The women feel bad, but the guys must feel worse
Two German women complaining on office email about their partners' poor sex drive found the details of their private lives broadcast to thousands after one of them hit the wrong button, Bild newspaper said Saturday.
"Everyone stares at us now and whispers behind our backs," Anica G., a 21-year-old worker at the Federal Labor Office, told Bild.
The emails between Anica and colleague Christina S., with descriptions on how the women try but fail to arouse their partners, were first sent by accident to other colleagues in their department at the Labor Office.
They were then forwarded to thousands throughout the Labor Office and other government agencies and widely distributed by recipients to people across Germany.
Anica told the daily she and her colleague had not broken any rules because the emails were written on breaks.
"Everyone stares at us now and whispers behind our backs," Anica G., a 21-year-old worker at the Federal Labor Office, told Bild.
The emails between Anica and colleague Christina S., with descriptions on how the women try but fail to arouse their partners, were first sent by accident to other colleagues in their department at the Labor Office.
They were then forwarded to thousands throughout the Labor Office and other government agencies and widely distributed by recipients to people across Germany.
Anica told the daily she and her colleague had not broken any rules because the emails were written on breaks.
20060804
Castro becomes life-or-death bet on Internet
When will Fidel Castro die? If you want to, you can place your bets.
Since the Cuban president, one of the world's longest-serving leaders, announced on Monday he was handing power to his brother Raul, online wagering operations have offered action on the communist leader's fate.
BetUS.com posed the question bluntly, giving bettors a chance to pick the month, or the day of the week, that Castro will die.
"We don't want to profit on someone's death. But Castro is unique," said Christopher Bennett, media relations director for BetUS.com.
"I personally wrestled with it. But ... this could have a huge effect on economics, foreign policy, trade. It's more than just someone passing away."
Another gaming site, BetCRIS.com, chose a less-direct route, giving bettors a chance to wager on whether Castro will make a public appearance by August 13, his 80th birthday.
Asked why his company didn't ask a straight "live" or "die" question, BetCRIS.com chief executive Mickey Richardson said: "I wouldn't want to be a part of that."
On bodog.com, another site, the question is: "Will Communist Cuban President Fidel Castro reassume control of Cuba by October 31st, 2006?"
Castro's health is the latest unusual wagering opportunity on Internet gaming sites that in the past have offered bets on whether Britney Spears was pregnant, whether Jimmy Hoffa's body would be found, how low
President George W. Bush's approval rating would go and other water-cooler gossip issues.
"We've been putting up popular culture, current events styles of wagering for the last two years," said Richardson, whose company had taken about 100 bets on the Cuban president. "Fidel Castro is a pretty dynamic figure that people are attracted to."
BetUS.com has taken nearly 3,000 wagers on Castro so far, making his future one of the hottest bets ever, said Bennett. About 65 percent of them were placed from Internet addresses in the Miami area, home of some 650,000 people of Cuban descent, most of whom despise Castro and his communist revolution, he added.
"It's been quite explosive. It's an emotional hot-button," he said.
Bettors are predicting Castro will die in September or October, Bennett said, with Miami-area hot money on September.
Since the Cuban president, one of the world's longest-serving leaders, announced on Monday he was handing power to his brother Raul, online wagering operations have offered action on the communist leader's fate.
BetUS.com posed the question bluntly, giving bettors a chance to pick the month, or the day of the week, that Castro will die.
"We don't want to profit on someone's death. But Castro is unique," said Christopher Bennett, media relations director for BetUS.com.
"I personally wrestled with it. But ... this could have a huge effect on economics, foreign policy, trade. It's more than just someone passing away."
Another gaming site, BetCRIS.com, chose a less-direct route, giving bettors a chance to wager on whether Castro will make a public appearance by August 13, his 80th birthday.
Asked why his company didn't ask a straight "live" or "die" question, BetCRIS.com chief executive Mickey Richardson said: "I wouldn't want to be a part of that."
On bodog.com, another site, the question is: "Will Communist Cuban President Fidel Castro reassume control of Cuba by October 31st, 2006?"
Castro's health is the latest unusual wagering opportunity on Internet gaming sites that in the past have offered bets on whether Britney Spears was pregnant, whether Jimmy Hoffa's body would be found, how low
President George W. Bush's approval rating would go and other water-cooler gossip issues.
"We've been putting up popular culture, current events styles of wagering for the last two years," said Richardson, whose company had taken about 100 bets on the Cuban president. "Fidel Castro is a pretty dynamic figure that people are attracted to."
BetUS.com has taken nearly 3,000 wagers on Castro so far, making his future one of the hottest bets ever, said Bennett. About 65 percent of them were placed from Internet addresses in the Miami area, home of some 650,000 people of Cuban descent, most of whom despise Castro and his communist revolution, he added.
"It's been quite explosive. It's an emotional hot-button," he said.
Bettors are predicting Castro will die in September or October, Bennett said, with Miami-area hot money on September.
20060801
Types of computer viruses
Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
Airline virus: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
Anita Hill virus: Lies dormant for ten years.
Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.
AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
The MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.
Bill Clinton virus: This virus mutates from region to region and we're not exactly sure what it does.
Bill Clinton virus: Promises to give equal time to all processes: 50% to poor, slow processes; 50% to middle-class processes, and 50% to rich ones. This virus protests your computer's involvement in other computer's affairs, even though it has been having one of its own for 12 years.
Congressional Virus: Overdraws your computer.
Congressional Virus: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.
Dan Quayle virus: Prevents your system from spawning any child processes without joining into a binary network.
Dan Quayle virus: Simplye addse ane ee toe everye worde youe typee..
David Duke virus: Makes your screen go completely white.
Elvis virus: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy and then self destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.
Federal bureaucrat virus: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which do practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer.
Freudian virus: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.
Gallup virus: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error).
George Bush virus: Doesn't do anything, but you can't get rid of it until November.
Government economist virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
Jerry Brown virus: Blanks your screen and begins flashing an 800 number.
Madonna virus: If your computer gets this virus, lock up your dog!
Mario Cuomo virus: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.
Michael Jackson virus: Hard to identify because it is constantly altering its appearance. This virus won't harm your PC, but it will trash your car.
New World Order virus: probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.
Nike virus: Just Does It!
Ollie North virus: Turns your printer into a document shredder.
Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB.
Pat Buchanan virus: Shifts all your output to the extreme right of your screen.
Paul Revere virus: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack---once if by LAN, twice if by C:.
Paul Tsongas virus: Pops up on December 25 and says, "I'm not Santa Claus."
PBS virus: Your PC stops every few minutes to ask for money.
Politically correct virus: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism".
Richard Nixon virus: Also known as the "Tricky Dick Virus", you can wipe it out but it always makes a comeback.
Right To Life virus: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.
Ross Perot virus: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole thing quits.
Ted Kennedy virus: Crashes your computer but denies it ever happened.
Ted Turner virus: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
Terry Randle virus: Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose "Abort" from the "Abort, Retry, Fail" message.
Texas virus: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
UK Parliament virus: Splits the screen into two with a message in each half blaming other side for the state of the system.
Warren Commission virus: Won't allow you to open your files for 75 years.
Airline virus: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
Anita Hill virus: Lies dormant for ten years.
Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.
AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
The MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.
Bill Clinton virus: This virus mutates from region to region and we're not exactly sure what it does.
Bill Clinton virus: Promises to give equal time to all processes: 50% to poor, slow processes; 50% to middle-class processes, and 50% to rich ones. This virus protests your computer's involvement in other computer's affairs, even though it has been having one of its own for 12 years.
Congressional Virus: Overdraws your computer.
Congressional Virus: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.
Dan Quayle virus: Prevents your system from spawning any child processes without joining into a binary network.
Dan Quayle virus: Simplye addse ane ee toe everye worde youe typee..
David Duke virus: Makes your screen go completely white.
Elvis virus: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy and then self destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.
Federal bureaucrat virus: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which do practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer.
Freudian virus: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.
Gallup virus: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error).
George Bush virus: Doesn't do anything, but you can't get rid of it until November.
Government economist virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
Jerry Brown virus: Blanks your screen and begins flashing an 800 number.
Madonna virus: If your computer gets this virus, lock up your dog!
Mario Cuomo virus: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.
Michael Jackson virus: Hard to identify because it is constantly altering its appearance. This virus won't harm your PC, but it will trash your car.
New World Order virus: probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.
Nike virus: Just Does It!
Ollie North virus: Turns your printer into a document shredder.
Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB.
Pat Buchanan virus: Shifts all your output to the extreme right of your screen.
Paul Revere virus: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack---once if by LAN, twice if by C:.
Paul Tsongas virus: Pops up on December 25 and says, "I'm not Santa Claus."
PBS virus: Your PC stops every few minutes to ask for money.
Politically correct virus: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism".
Richard Nixon virus: Also known as the "Tricky Dick Virus", you can wipe it out but it always makes a comeback.
Right To Life virus: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.
Ross Perot virus: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole thing quits.
Ted Kennedy virus: Crashes your computer but denies it ever happened.
Ted Turner virus: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
Terry Randle virus: Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose "Abort" from the "Abort, Retry, Fail" message.
Texas virus: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
UK Parliament virus: Splits the screen into two with a message in each half blaming other side for the state of the system.
Warren Commission virus: Won't allow you to open your files for 75 years.
20060723
Lawyers arrive in Japan
Take heart, America. Three monkey wrenches have been thrown into Japan's well-oiled economic machine. It's only a mater of time before that powerful engine of productivity begins to sputter and fail.
What could cause such a sharp turnaround? High interest rates? Increased unemployment? Lower productivity? No, it's something much more economically debilitating - and permanent.
Three American lawyers have become the first foreign attorneys permitted to practice law in Japan. What's more, two of them are from New York!
The decline has begun.
Japan has one attorney for every 10,000 residents, compared to the U.S. ratio of one attorney for every 390 residents. For every 100 attorneys trained in Japan, there are 1,000 engineers. In the United States, that ratio is reversed.
But a law that became effective on April 1 permits foreigners to practice in Japan for the first time since 1955. Already, an additional 20 American and six British lawyers have applied for permission to open practices in Japan.
If anything can slow the Japanese economy, it's the presence of American attorneys. What better way to even our balance of trade than to send Japan our costliest surplus commodity?
What could cause such a sharp turnaround? High interest rates? Increased unemployment? Lower productivity? No, it's something much more economically debilitating - and permanent.
Three American lawyers have become the first foreign attorneys permitted to practice law in Japan. What's more, two of them are from New York!
The decline has begun.
Japan has one attorney for every 10,000 residents, compared to the U.S. ratio of one attorney for every 390 residents. For every 100 attorneys trained in Japan, there are 1,000 engineers. In the United States, that ratio is reversed.
But a law that became effective on April 1 permits foreigners to practice in Japan for the first time since 1955. Already, an additional 20 American and six British lawyers have applied for permission to open practices in Japan.
If anything can slow the Japanese economy, it's the presence of American attorneys. What better way to even our balance of trade than to send Japan our costliest surplus commodity?
20060717
The English Language
The English Language
Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?
Let's face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.
We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.
If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!
English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)
That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends.
Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?
Let's face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.
We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.
If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!
English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)
That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends.
20060626
The corporate boat race
An American automobile company and a Japanese auto company decided to have a competitive boat race on the Detroit River. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day, they were as ready as they could be.
The Japanese team won by a mile.
Afterwards, the American team became discouraged by the loss and their morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found. A Continuous Measurable Improvement Team of "Executives" was set up to investigate the problem and to recommend appropriate corrective action.
Their conclusion: The problem was that the Japanese team had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, whereas the American team had 1 person rowing and 8 people steering. The American Corporate Steering Committee immediately hired a consulting firm to do a study on the management structure.
After some time and billions of dollars, the consulting firm concluded that "too many people were steering and not enough rowing." To prevent losing to the Japanese again next year, the management structure was changed to "4 Steering Managers, 3 Area Steering Managers, and 1 Staff Steering Manager" and a new performance system for the person rowing the boat to give more incentive to work harder and become a six sigma performer. "We must give him empowerment and enrichment." That ought to do it.
The next year the Japanese team won by two miles.
The American Corporation laid off the rower for poor performance, sold all of the paddles, cancelled all capital investments for new equipment, halted development of a new canoe, awarded high performance awards to the consulting firm, and distributed the money saved as bonuses to the senior executives.
The Japanese team won by a mile.
Afterwards, the American team became discouraged by the loss and their morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found. A Continuous Measurable Improvement Team of "Executives" was set up to investigate the problem and to recommend appropriate corrective action.
Their conclusion: The problem was that the Japanese team had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, whereas the American team had 1 person rowing and 8 people steering. The American Corporate Steering Committee immediately hired a consulting firm to do a study on the management structure.
After some time and billions of dollars, the consulting firm concluded that "too many people were steering and not enough rowing." To prevent losing to the Japanese again next year, the management structure was changed to "4 Steering Managers, 3 Area Steering Managers, and 1 Staff Steering Manager" and a new performance system for the person rowing the boat to give more incentive to work harder and become a six sigma performer. "We must give him empowerment and enrichment." That ought to do it.
The next year the Japanese team won by two miles.
The American Corporation laid off the rower for poor performance, sold all of the paddles, cancelled all capital investments for new equipment, halted development of a new canoe, awarded high performance awards to the consulting firm, and distributed the money saved as bonuses to the senior executives.
20060620
Microsoft sees future in robots
The Seattle-based company on Tuesday previewed a set of new software tools that aims to give developers a simpler way to design robots and to create and test programs that operate a wide range of machines -- from toys to floor sweepers to those used in factory production lines.
"We believe this is a key part of the future of computing," said Microsoft Robotics Group general manager Tandy Trower, who called robots the next evolution of the personal computer.
While the fragmented robotics market is now in its infancy, Trower said forecasts call for the industry to grow into a multibillion-dollar market in the next five to 10 years.
The group's first product, called Microsoft Robotics Studio, is designed for hobbyists, students or commercial developers, who have had to reinvent the wheel each time they use different hardware to build a robot.
"It's all about making it easy for everyone from beginners to advanced developers," Trower said.
Trower said the new software is meant to bootstrap the robotics industry much in the way that Microsoft's operating system helped get the personal computer industry going.
Microsoft is offering a free technical preview for download at the company's Web site. It has not set a release date or price for the final version of the product.
"We believe this is a key part of the future of computing," said Microsoft Robotics Group general manager Tandy Trower, who called robots the next evolution of the personal computer.
While the fragmented robotics market is now in its infancy, Trower said forecasts call for the industry to grow into a multibillion-dollar market in the next five to 10 years.
The group's first product, called Microsoft Robotics Studio, is designed for hobbyists, students or commercial developers, who have had to reinvent the wheel each time they use different hardware to build a robot.
"It's all about making it easy for everyone from beginners to advanced developers," Trower said.
Trower said the new software is meant to bootstrap the robotics industry much in the way that Microsoft's operating system helped get the personal computer industry going.
Microsoft is offering a free technical preview for download at the company's Web site. It has not set a release date or price for the final version of the product.
20060615
You'll Get Your Chance in Court
A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court," said the Desk Sergeant.
"No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
"You'll get your chance in court," said the Desk Sergeant.
"No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
New Year Nerd Resolutions
1. I resolve... I resolve to... I resolve to, uh... I resolve to, uh, get my, er... I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too!
2. I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning... 4:30 is much more practical.
3. When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!"
4. I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.
5. I will try to figure out why I *really* need 9 e-mail addresses.
6. I will stop sending e-mail to my roommate.
7. I will not buy magazines with AOL disks bound in just to get another 1.44MB disk.
8. I resolve to work with neglected children... my own.
9. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm I answer e-mail.
10. When I subscribe to a newsgroup or mailing list, I will read all the mail I get from it.
11. I will stop using, "So, what's your URL?" as a pickup line.
12. No more downloads from alt.binaries.*
13. I resolve to back up my new 400 GB hard drive daily... well, once a week... monthly, perhaps...
14. I will spend less than five hour a day on the Internet.
15. I will limit my top ten lists to ten items.
16. I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it.
2. I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning... 4:30 is much more practical.
3. When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!"
4. I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.
5. I will try to figure out why I *really* need 9 e-mail addresses.
6. I will stop sending e-mail to my roommate.
7. I will not buy magazines with AOL disks bound in just to get another 1.44MB disk.
8. I resolve to work with neglected children... my own.
9. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm I answer e-mail.
10. When I subscribe to a newsgroup or mailing list, I will read all the mail I get from it.
11. I will stop using, "So, what's your URL?" as a pickup line.
12. No more downloads from alt.binaries.*
13. I resolve to back up my new 400 GB hard drive daily... well, once a week... monthly, perhaps...
14. I will spend less than five hour a day on the Internet.
15. I will limit my top ten lists to ten items.
16. I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it.
20060613
20060610
Subjects for a date
A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice.
The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy."
The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds.
He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic.
He asks the girl: "Do you like spinach?" She says "No," and the silence returns.
After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?" Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again.
The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: "If you had a brother, would he like spinach?".
The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy."
The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds.
He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic.
He asks the girl: "Do you like spinach?" She says "No," and the silence returns.
After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?" Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again.
The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: "If you had a brother, would he like spinach?".
20060602
This Dog is a Genius
A butcher in his shop, and he's real busy, and he notices a dog in the shop. He shoos him away. But later, he notices the dog is back again. So he goes over to the dog, and notices he has a note in his mouth. He takes the note, and it reads "Can I have
12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please. The dog has money in his mouth, as well."
The butcher looks inside and, lo and behold, there is a ten pound note there. So he takes the money, and puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, placing it in the dog's mouth. The butcher is well impressed, and since it's close to closing time, he decides to shut up shop and follow the dog. So off he goes.
The dog is walking down the street, when he comes to a level crossing. The dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the button. Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to turn. They do, and he walks across the road, with the butcher following him all the way.
The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe at this stage. The dog checks out the times, and then sits on one of the seats provided.
Along comes a bus. The dog walks around the front, looks at the number, and goes back to his seat. Another bus comes. Again the dog goes and looks at the number, notices it's the right bus, and climbs on. The butcher, by now open-mouthed, follows him onto the bus.
The bus travels through the town and out into the suburbs, the dog looking at the scenery. Eventually he gets up, and moves to the front of the bus. He stands on 2 back paws and pushes the button to stop the bus. Then he gets off, his groceries still in his mouth.
Well, dog and butcher are walking along the road, and then the dog turns into a house. He walks up the path, and drops the groceries on the step. Then he walks back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He goes back down the path, runs up to the door and -Whap!- throws himself against it again. There's no answer at the house, so the dog goes back down the path, jumps up on a narrow wall, and walks along the perimeter of the garden. He gets to the window, and beats his head against it several times, walks back, jumps off, and waits at the door.
The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts laying into the dog. Kicking him and punching him, and swearing at him.
The butcher runs up, and stops the guy. "What the hell are you doing? The dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for heaven's sake!", to which the guy responds... "Genius me butt - this is the second time this week that he's forgotten his key!"
12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please. The dog has money in his mouth, as well."
The butcher looks inside and, lo and behold, there is a ten pound note there. So he takes the money, and puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, placing it in the dog's mouth. The butcher is well impressed, and since it's close to closing time, he decides to shut up shop and follow the dog. So off he goes.
The dog is walking down the street, when he comes to a level crossing. The dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the button. Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to turn. They do, and he walks across the road, with the butcher following him all the way.
The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe at this stage. The dog checks out the times, and then sits on one of the seats provided.
Along comes a bus. The dog walks around the front, looks at the number, and goes back to his seat. Another bus comes. Again the dog goes and looks at the number, notices it's the right bus, and climbs on. The butcher, by now open-mouthed, follows him onto the bus.
The bus travels through the town and out into the suburbs, the dog looking at the scenery. Eventually he gets up, and moves to the front of the bus. He stands on 2 back paws and pushes the button to stop the bus. Then he gets off, his groceries still in his mouth.
Well, dog and butcher are walking along the road, and then the dog turns into a house. He walks up the path, and drops the groceries on the step. Then he walks back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He goes back down the path, runs up to the door and -Whap!- throws himself against it again. There's no answer at the house, so the dog goes back down the path, jumps up on a narrow wall, and walks along the perimeter of the garden. He gets to the window, and beats his head against it several times, walks back, jumps off, and waits at the door.
The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts laying into the dog. Kicking him and punching him, and swearing at him.
The butcher runs up, and stops the guy. "What the hell are you doing? The dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for heaven's sake!", to which the guy responds... "Genius me butt - this is the second time this week that he's forgotten his key!"
20060601
Standing on the Roof of a Building
There was an Irishman, a New Zealand man and an American man standing on the roof of a building, with an awning below them.
The American said to the Irishman: "I bet I could jump off this roof, land on the awning and bounce back off." So he jumped off, hit the awning, and was soon back on the roof. "There. Now you try." he said to the Irishman.
So the Irishman jumped off, and fell SPLAT on the ground.
The New Zealander said to the American : "Jeez, Superman, you are a real jerk sometimes!"
The American said to the Irishman: "I bet I could jump off this roof, land on the awning and bounce back off." So he jumped off, hit the awning, and was soon back on the roof. "There. Now you try." he said to the Irishman.
So the Irishman jumped off, and fell SPLAT on the ground.
The New Zealander said to the American : "Jeez, Superman, you are a real jerk sometimes!"
20060530
Conversation between George W. and his National Security Advisor, Condolezza Rice
Conversation between George W. and his National Security Advisor, Condolezza Rice:
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Thanks.
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Thanks.
20060515
20060509
20060425
Top April Fool's Jokes
Some include:
Found in Yahoo.
- In 1996, Yum! Brands' Taco Bell unit announced that it had purchased Philadelphia's Liberty Bell, and would be renaming it the Taco Liberty Bell. According to the folks at museumofhoaxes.com, "when White House press secretary Mike McCurry was asked about the sale ... he responded that the Lincoln Memorial had also been sold, though to a different corporation, and would now be known as the Ford Lincoln Mercury Memorial."
- In 1998, the folks at Burger King made a splash with their debut of the "Left-handed Whopper," as a convenience for the millions of lefties out there. The burger's fixings were remaining the same, but they'd be rotated 180 degrees. (Burger King is expected to have an initial public offering in the near future.)
- In 2002, Google revealed its secret: Its Web searches weren't based on fancy computer algorithms, but instead were carried out by specially trained pigeons.
- In 1986, millions were shocked to learn that the Eiffel Tower was being moved to Disney's EuroDisney theme park outside Paris. And in 1995, the Irish Times reported that Lenin's embalmed body would also be moved to EuroDisney.
- In 1996, when Virgin Cola was competing with Motley Fool Inside Value pick Coca-Cola and PepsiCo, it announced that it had developed cans that turned blue when their contents were no longer fresh. This was very clever, since PepsiCo had recently introduced a new look for its still-blue cans.
Found in Yahoo.
20060418
Dirty joke
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."
20060415
Italian Mother
Mrs. Bacciagalupe comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner. Anthony lives with a female roommate, Maria.
During the course of the meal, Mama can't help but notice how pretty Anthony's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of the relationship between the two, and this made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than meets the eye.
Reading his Mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Mama, Maria and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Maria comes to Anthony saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
Well, I doubt it, but I'll e-mail her, just to be sure." So he sends his Mom an email:
"Dear Momma, I'm not saying that you took the sugar bowl from my house, and I'm not saying that you didn't take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love,
Anthony"
Several days later, Anthony receives an email response from his Momma.
"Figlio mio, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Maria, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Love, Momma"
During the course of the meal, Mama can't help but notice how pretty Anthony's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of the relationship between the two, and this made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than meets the eye.
Reading his Mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Mama, Maria and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Maria comes to Anthony saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
Well, I doubt it, but I'll e-mail her, just to be sure." So he sends his Mom an email:
"Dear Momma, I'm not saying that you took the sugar bowl from my house, and I'm not saying that you didn't take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love,
Anthony"
Several days later, Anthony receives an email response from his Momma.
"Figlio mio, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Maria, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Love, Momma"
20060403
Which Hole?
A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole, and you're a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his golf.
On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady again with the same request. She said, "I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th." Once again he thanked her.
He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar. He went up to her and said, "Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help." He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did. She said she was in sales, and he said he was in sales also. He asked what she sold.
She replied, "If I told you, you would only laugh."
"No, I wouldn't," he said.
She said, "I sell tampons."
With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.
She said, "See, I knew you would laugh."
"That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied. "I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm STILL one hole behind you!"
On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady again with the same request. She said, "I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th." Once again he thanked her.
He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar. He went up to her and said, "Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help." He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did. She said she was in sales, and he said he was in sales also. He asked what she sold.
She replied, "If I told you, you would only laugh."
"No, I wouldn't," he said.
She said, "I sell tampons."
With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.
She said, "See, I knew you would laugh."
"That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied. "I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm STILL one hole behind you!"
20060319
Don't Lie to Mom
A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!
A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up." And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.
The moral of the story:
If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.
A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up." And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.
The moral of the story:
If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.
20060313
Have You Ever Been Unfaithful
After years of marriage, Ole and Lena found themselves in bed one night. Lena leaned over to Ole and said, "Ole, have you ever been unfaithful during all our years of marriage?"
"Not even once!" exclaimed Ole. "Lena, have you ever been unfaithful?"
"Well, er, yes - but only three times," she admitted somewhat embarrassed.
"Hmmm, three times?" questioned Ole. "That's not so bad. Do you remember those three times? Can you tell me when?"
"Well, Ole, do you remember when you wanted to build the store and you had a hard time getting approval from the City Council?" asked Lena. "That was the first time."
"And, do you remember when you wanted to build an addition, but had to get the okay from the building inspector?" she asked. "That was the second time."
"OK, Lena, when was the third time?" queried Ole?
"The third time was " Lena paused. "Do you remember when you were running for president of the Sons of Norway and you needed 125 votes?"
"Not even once!" exclaimed Ole. "Lena, have you ever been unfaithful?"
"Well, er, yes - but only three times," she admitted somewhat embarrassed.
"Hmmm, three times?" questioned Ole. "That's not so bad. Do you remember those three times? Can you tell me when?"
"Well, Ole, do you remember when you wanted to build the store and you had a hard time getting approval from the City Council?" asked Lena. "That was the first time."
"And, do you remember when you wanted to build an addition, but had to get the okay from the building inspector?" she asked. "That was the second time."
"OK, Lena, when was the third time?" queried Ole?
"The third time was " Lena paused. "Do you remember when you were running for president of the Sons of Norway and you needed 125 votes?"
20060307
Super Bowl
During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushing little animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.
At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss.
The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, "Who stopped the elephant?"
"I did," said the centipede.
"Who stopped the rhino?"
"Uh, that was me too," said the centipede.
"And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?"
"Well, that was me as well," said the centipede.
"So where were you during the first half?" demanded the coach.
"Well," said the centipede, "I was having my ankles taped."
At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss.
The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, "Who stopped the elephant?"
"I did," said the centipede.
"Who stopped the rhino?"
"Uh, that was me too," said the centipede.
"And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?"
"Well, that was me as well," said the centipede.
"So where were you during the first half?" demanded the coach.
"Well," said the centipede, "I was having my ankles taped."
20060226
Three tough mice
Three mice are at a bar, having drinks, talking about how tough they are. The first mouse slams down a shot of booze, says, "Let me tell you how tough I am."
I spot a trap and go for the cheese. When it snaps, I snatch the bar and bench press it 20 or so times and before it can close I'm outa there!" and he tosses down another shot.
The second mouse slams down a shot and says, "You think that's tough? When I find a pile of d-con, I crush it and snort it like it's cocaine." With that he throws down another shot and slams his shotglass on the bar.
The first two are staring at the third mouse, waiting to see what he has to say for himself.
He fires down a shot of booze, throws down his glass and heads for the door. His buddies look at each other, then at him and say, "Hey, where are YOU going?"
The third mouse says, "I haven't got time for this shit, I need to get home to screw the cat."
I spot a trap and go for the cheese. When it snaps, I snatch the bar and bench press it 20 or so times and before it can close I'm outa there!" and he tosses down another shot.
The second mouse slams down a shot and says, "You think that's tough? When I find a pile of d-con, I crush it and snort it like it's cocaine." With that he throws down another shot and slams his shotglass on the bar.
The first two are staring at the third mouse, waiting to see what he has to say for himself.
He fires down a shot of booze, throws down his glass and heads for the door. His buddies look at each other, then at him and say, "Hey, where are YOU going?"
The third mouse says, "I haven't got time for this shit, I need to get home to screw the cat."
20060220
An engineer and a programmer
A programmer and an engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from Los Angeles to New York.
The programmer leans over to the engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game.
The engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The programmer persists and explains that the game is real easy and is a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5."
Again, the engineer politely declines and tries to get to sleep.
The programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, "OK, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $100!"
This catches the engineer's attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game.
The programmer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The engineer doesn't say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the programmer.
Now, it's the engineer's turn. He asks the programmer "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?"
The programmer looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers--all to no avail.
After about an hour, he wakes the Engineer and hands him $100. The engineer politely takes the $100 and turns away to try to get back to sleep. The programmer, more than a little miffed, shakes the engineer and asks "Well, so what's the answer?" Without a word, the engineer reaches into his wallet, hands the programmer $5, and turns away to get back to sleep.
The programmer leans over to the engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game.
The engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The programmer persists and explains that the game is real easy and is a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5."
Again, the engineer politely declines and tries to get to sleep.
The programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, "OK, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $100!"
This catches the engineer's attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game.
The programmer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The engineer doesn't say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the programmer.
Now, it's the engineer's turn. He asks the programmer "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?"
The programmer looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers--all to no avail.
After about an hour, he wakes the Engineer and hands him $100. The engineer politely takes the $100 and turns away to try to get back to sleep. The programmer, more than a little miffed, shakes the engineer and asks "Well, so what's the answer?" Without a word, the engineer reaches into his wallet, hands the programmer $5, and turns away to get back to sleep.
20060218
A fishy story
Two avid fishermen go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. They spend a fortune.
The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.
As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?"
The other guy says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"
The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.
As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?"
The other guy says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"
20060209
Paris Hilton ordered to stay away from man
Hotel heiress Paris Hilton was ordered Tuesday to stay away from a Los Angeles party planner who claimed she called him a "lazy Mexican" and bombarded him with threatening phone calls.
Promoter Brian Quintana, who says he introduced Hilton to her current boyfriend Greek shipping heir Stavros Niarchos, won a restraining order in Los Angeles Superior Court against the socialite known for her "The Simple Life" TV reality show and for an Internet sex video made with a former boyfriend.
Quintana said Hilton began a smear campaign against him after she started dating Niarchos, accusing him of trying to get Niarchos to ditch her for his former girlfriend, Mary-Kate Olsen.
Quintana said Hilton shoved him three times, that he lost clients after they received phone calls from Hilton warning them not to do business with him and that she made numerous phone calls threatening his life.
Details of the stay-away order have yet to be determined.
Hilton was not in court and did not testify. Her spokesman, Elliot Mintz, told reporters, "I've known Paris and worked with her, and the kind of person that was described on the stand this afternoon doesn't resemble the woman that I know."
Promoter Brian Quintana, who says he introduced Hilton to her current boyfriend Greek shipping heir Stavros Niarchos, won a restraining order in Los Angeles Superior Court against the socialite known for her "The Simple Life" TV reality show and for an Internet sex video made with a former boyfriend.
Quintana said Hilton began a smear campaign against him after she started dating Niarchos, accusing him of trying to get Niarchos to ditch her for his former girlfriend, Mary-Kate Olsen.
Quintana said Hilton shoved him three times, that he lost clients after they received phone calls from Hilton warning them not to do business with him and that she made numerous phone calls threatening his life.
Details of the stay-away order have yet to be determined.
Hilton was not in court and did not testify. Her spokesman, Elliot Mintz, told reporters, "I've known Paris and worked with her, and the kind of person that was described on the stand this afternoon doesn't resemble the woman that I know."
20060205
20060121
Happy marriage!
Married life is full of excitement and frustration:
* In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
* In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
* In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely an eye-opener.
Getting married is very much like going to the restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
It's true that all men are born free and equal, but some of them get married!
There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.
A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.
Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad?
Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.
Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries.
Father: That happens everywhere, son, everywhere!
* In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
* In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
* In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely an eye-opener.
Getting married is very much like going to the restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
It's true that all men are born free and equal, but some of them get married!
There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.
A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.
Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad?
Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.
Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries.
Father: That happens everywhere, son, everywhere!
20060115
Equal positive integers
Theorem: All positive integers are equal.
Proof: Sufficient to show that for any two positive integers, A and B, A = B.
Further, it is sufficient to show that for all N > 0, if A and B (positive integers) satisfy (MAX(A, B) = N) then A = B.
Proceed by induction.
If N = 1, then A and B, being positive integers, must both be 1. So A = B.
Assume that the theorem is true for some value k. Take A and B with MAX(A, B) = k+1. Then MAX((A-1), (B-1)) = k. And hence (A-1) = (B-1). Consequently, A = B.
Proof: Sufficient to show that for any two positive integers, A and B, A = B.
Further, it is sufficient to show that for all N > 0, if A and B (positive integers) satisfy (MAX(A, B) = N) then A = B.
Proceed by induction.
If N = 1, then A and B, being positive integers, must both be 1. So A = B.
Assume that the theorem is true for some value k. Take A and B with MAX(A, B) = k+1. Then MAX((A-1), (B-1)) = k. And hence (A-1) = (B-1). Consequently, A = B.
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